life update after too much research

Internet: equal measures of love and hate. Love that it exists and offers so many avenues. I am a man who is constantly questioning all things. Because I want to know. Or I want to consider another angle. What’s going on – what’s it all about – what am I doing here – am I really a poet or not a poet – maybe I missed something along the way – maybe I live in total self-delusion…. so I look around and read and listen to lots of different viewpoints. I am on a constant quest for inspiration.

And when I say I look at everything I mean everything. Politics, religion, art, literature, music, science, metaphysics, sex-eroticism…. this is the love: name your poison and someone is out there writing or speaking about it. Skilled communicators who’ve built their cases and are blessed or have honed a self-confidence that I lack are able to momentarily attract me to their team.

But then I realize: I liked mine better. I still do. I like my uncertainty. I fucking hate the certain. Or those who speak of their absolute certainty. Gurus. That’s the word. Guru. Hey. Fuck you all you gurus. I am my own guru. How about that you fuckers? This is what it comes to: all are entitled to speak and write what they wish; were I the king of the world all censorship would be off-limits. But at the end of the day and on a personal level, I entertain a little fantasy where I line up representatives of ALL – and I mean ALL – the religious persuasions (and I include the atheistic) and ALL – and I mean ALL – the political pundits – and those preaching their artistic or poetic philosophies and trying to install and establish or revive rigid rules…

line them all up and to each one give a sharp backhand along with a ‘shut-the-fuck-up’, just, just, Shut the Fuck Up. Who the fuck are You? Then I’d have to give myself the biggest backhand and a reminder: Stop going to other sources! Fuck them! I really do like my perspective better than any of the others. Never was a joiner. Because I like my way better than any other way I’ve looked into – even if I have no idea what that way is. In fact I like that I have no idea what it is.

So there.


About Timmy the Scribbler

Love to write all kinds of stuff I love writing so many different kinds of stuff it is a constant struggle to narrow the focus to a manageable handful and let the others go. But a few years ago I dipped my fingers into a poetry pie and of all my uncertainties, one thing that is no uncertainty is that it is one passion that must remain, so maybe that's the one. I do dearly delight in chopping up fictional works into stanzas and syllables.
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