Since discovering design deals like zazzle and courting the prospect of learning to draw a little – I always said (referencing to the old question about why someone writes) that I write because I cannot draw, which I’ve since wondered if that is a cop-out, meaning, would I quit writing if I learned to draw or would the writing fall in proportion to the progress in drawing; so I get a new thing to search for and read about, and what I’ve noticed is the similarity between drawing and writing, namely, the tendency for newbies to get this idea that a great piece of writing or a work of art just fell into place perfectly, like it took one smooth ride from mind to hand to paper.
I venture to guess that while the rational side learns this is not at all true, a side does persist that thinks it should be so. And I wonder if that persistent fallacy or hope is not a monster of a contributor to dark doubts, like when coming to an impasse when working on a tale or something, thinking how horrible it is, wondering why it ended up such a mess, maybe fall to the temptation to toss it, only to look at it again later to see it was coming along but trying to recuperate it after abandoning it…. anyway, i read a tutorial about drawing that stresses the certainty of making a mess because if I see a drawing I am amazed by, it is all but certain that it did not happen the way it looks; that on the way to that beautiful, seemingly effortless, work, many errant lines were made and many erasures performed.
I took that gem of information and applied it to tendencies with trying to write more ambitious stuff, and that’s definitely the hurdle, but it helps to see it is a hurdle – see that if there is a big mess, it might mean it is going as it should; these things take time and many errant lines and sentences and sloppy paragraphs and lopsided stanzas are made but they don’t have to stay that way – in other words, the persistent notion if subconscious is that the words should not be written until it is known what they are – rather than going ahead with putting the words down as they come, revel in the mess, and sort through it later, because the bigger the mess the more there is to choose from.